Body language flirting

NLP techniques

Unconscious behaviour

We are probably all familiar with body language flirting.  Quite deliberately we use eye or facial gestures to encourage or repel another, but there are other kinds of body language attraction that we use and read unconsciously.


I love to flirt and I've never met a man I didn't like

Dolly Parton


The feet

If you want to know if he or she is interested in you (or someone else) take notice of the feet.  Bear in mind also, that he or she might also be glancing at your own feet.

It is difficult to keep your feet still when you are excited or aroused so if you notice her feet bouncing around, she might well be interested.  

But if they suddenly stop you might need to backtrack to consider if you’ve said something to turn her off.

Body language flirting - notice the whole

Notice the words “bouncing around”.  Merely moving the feet might also indicate impatience, so take on board the whole body language. 

My friend, Colin, was always looking to get lucky when we were young and was always looking for half a chance to say Hi to a group of girls.  It was easy to tell if they were interested even if I wasn’t in earshot.

Of course, I looked at their faces first but some people are too polite not to smile even though they are trying to give someone the brush off.

Body language flirting - notice the hips and legs too

The next place to look is the hips, legs and feet.  We are very quick to turn away from unwelcome attention, and so often we will turn our feet towards the door.

If they are really interested, they will turn towards you.  Watch out if they only turn their heads towards you – that is to say, just swivel from the hip – because there is a high probability that they are not interested.

There again, they may initially be interested but something happens to put them off.  Usually, when people speak their toes face each other.  

But if one of them turns a foot away or keeps moving it outwardly, it is a pretty sure sign that he wants to leave.

Body language flirting and honest feet

The feet have a habit of being honest, and they will turn away in this fashion even if the other person’s body is facing towards you.

Use your common sense in these situations.  If you have been getting on well with the girl or boy in question and you suddenly notice that sort of behaviour, it could just be that they have to leave and don’t quite know how to put it.

So use the opportunity to say something like, “I sense I am keeping you, and you really have to go.  Perhaps we could meet up again some time soon.”  

You are likely to score far more points for showing consideration in this way.

If Colin was doing well when he was on the hunt, it was easy to spot and the rest of us would quietly snigger. His body language flirting was quite successful.

Two people who are keen on one another will tend to chatter excitedly, almost childishly, and that is apparent to others even if they are out of earshot.  

But we also used to keep our eyes peeled to see which of them was first to cross legs.

Crossing legs and body language flirting

It is a sure sign that people are very confident in each other’s presence if they cross one leg in front of the other because at that point they are putting themselves off balance.  

It is not something we would ever do if we were uncomfortable.

Bear in mind that the initial reaction to a situation if we are uncomfortable or alarmed is to freeze or run, and we start by putting ourselves in a position to do that.  

We wouldn’t be sufficiently prepared if we were in a crossed-legs position.

Keep your eyes out for someone who is standing alone with legs crossed one in front of the other.  

If a stranger approaches, you will notice that she immediately uncrosses them.  It is a natural reaction from the primordial brain.

Matching and mirroring body language flirting

The converse of that when two people are standing with legs crossed in front of each other and perhaps also holding their own hands, is what we have also described in NLP as matching and mirroring.

You may notice courting couples often mirroring each other with the behaviour of their feet.  

Indeed, you may be well familiar with the idea of playing footsy with someone you fancy.

Colin loved to do it if he thought all was going well, but when the girl suddenly stopped and turned away suddenly, we knew he had gone too far – or at least too far too quickly.  The game was up so far as that girl was concerned.

So if you are dining alone or a little bored when you are out, observe the behaviour of people at other tables.  Work out who you think are together and how they are getting along.

There are many eateries these days that don’t have tablecloths so it makes it all the easier to observe the feet and legs, so it is important to look beneath the table as well as the other body language if you possibly can.

I could always tell when Colin was successfully chatting-up a girl on the phone.  

He would be invariably leaning against the wall, one hand on his hip, one foot flat on the ground and the other foot resting on its heel.

It was a sure giveaway if you knew Colin, although I suspect many would not have picked it up.  

If you are a keen observer of body language, the feet and legs are reliable indicators.

Body language is not always flirting

This was also evident to me in cases that I prosecuted involving domestic violence because the feet are also sure indicators of a territorial type of display. 

In the vast majority of cases, it was a man charged with verbal or physical violence against a woman.  I was always keen to elicit how the man was standing. 

So often the first signs were that the man’s feet would splay out.  

As well as balancing him, he would also be asserting his dominance – and domestic violence is all about dominance as I discovered in many, many prosecutions of that nature.

Once he adopted that position, he was reaching the stage where he was unlikely to remain in control of his temper.  

If you find yourself confronted by that sort of body language, be very careful.



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