Overcoming low self-esteem

Use NLP techniques

Overcoming low self-esteem is fundamental to our happiness and success.  Millions of people around the world are stuck in unhappy marriages or partnerships, dead end jobs or sit at home fuelling themselves with piles of cheap junk food thereby becoming fatter and fatter and decreasing still further their chances of building high self-esteem.

To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance

Oscar Wilde


How is your self-esteem?  When you picture yourself in your mind’s-eye, do you see a successful person full of hope and confidence, or do you find that you tend to compare yourself with someone else who you consider to be more popular, more successful or more attractive?  If you think any of those thoughts, stop right there.

Overcoming low self-esteem – be grateful

Firstly, be grateful for who you are.  You are unique.  There isn’t another one like you on the planet or in the universe as far as we can tell.  They didn’t make clones.  Think where the successes are in your life, and don’t say that there aren’t any. 

Everyone is successful at something.  Examine your own life carefully.  Are you a good wife, husband, boyfriend or girlfriend?  Are you a good cook or gardener?  Can you draw, sing or dance?  Are you good with your hands or good with your mind, or both?

Once you start to look you will also start to discover where your own talents are.  When you realise that you have those abilities, it will help you start to believe that you are someone special. 

In order to help overcome your low self-esteem signs it may be a good idea to practice your own special skills to become even better.  The more you do that the more your confidence and self-esteem will grow.

Overcoming low self-esteem – how important?

The importance of self-esteem was brought home to me quite strongly when I attended an international NLP conference not so long ago. 

I shall not embarrass anyone by naming names because it is really unnecessary to do so.  Various NLP specialist trainers gave presentations over the course of a number of days and the attendees were able to choose the presentations they wished to attend. 

Generally speaking, the price of the presentations was included in the registration fee.

An exception to this was that on the last night of the conference a significant NLP guru, who shall also be nameless for these purposes, was to give a special presentation to NLP trainers, but it involved payment of a substantial additional fee. 

This was announced in advance of the conference but I had already paid the registration fee, so I contacted the organiser by email and asked how to pay the extra sum.  

The emailed response was that it would be ok to pay at the conference and credit cards would be accepted.

On the first day of conference I went to the registration desk to pay the additional money but was told they couldn’t find the credit card machine and they would contact me later. 

The conference progressed, no-one contacted me and I thought little of it until the final night of conference when the guru’s presentation was to take place. 

When I checked in with the attendant, he firmly told me I hadn’t paid, he couldn’t take cards on the door and I should go back to the registration desk.


I did that.  I kept cool but explained to the young attendant what had happened and that I really shouldn’t have been embarrassed like that. 

By now I was running short of local currency as I would be leaving for home the following day.  She agreed, said she would speak to the conference organiser and was sure everything would be OK. 

As I made my way back across the busy reception area, I saw the conference organiser dressed up to the nines, so to speak, about to attend upon the NLP guru and I saw the young lady to whom I had spoken approach her. 

I couldn’t hear what was said because I was far away peering through the throng, but I could tell by the organiser’s body language that she was not at all pleased. The organiser disappeared as quickly as she came gesticulating as she did so.

I reminded myself that the conference organiser’s ill-mannered behaviour reflected only upon her and not upon me.  It was merely information about her. 

I pictured the event I was about to miss, I took the colour out of it and pushed it off into the distance until it disappeared. 

Overcoming low self-esteem – reframing the experience

I repeated the exercise a few times as I made my way to an adjoining presentation.  I also reframed by reminding myself that it had been an excellent few days at conference, I had met wonderful people and learned much, that this was part of the learning curve and I wasn’t going to let one small incident spoil it for me.  

I also fired off some happy, inspirational anchors which you should read about if you haven’t already done so.  As it happened, the alternative presentation was excellent and it cost not one euro extra.

Practising those measures I have mentioned in the last couple of paragraphs demonstrates how to increase self-esteem and the importance of self-esteem.

Overcoming low self-esteem – being comfortable in your own skin

When you face a challenge remember that you are no less important than the challenger or challengers.  You have a right to be here. 

However badly others behave towards you, it is not necessary to descend to their level in order to bolster your own self-esteem.  Be comfortable in your own skin, be reasonable but be prepared to stand your own ground.

I was disappointed that someone who held herself out as an NLP master trainer should have behaved in such a way, but that is where it ended.  It didn’t harm me. 

If she reads this article she will remember the incident and will know who she is.  I hope she thinks twice before repeating the conduct because the next person she treats that way might have lower self-esteem and react in a completely different way.

Helping others in overcoming low self-esteem

Watch out for low self-esteem signs in others.  When you meet them socially, find out what interests them and talk about that.  Tactfully boost their confidence. 

When you find them reacting positively and looking more confident, anchor those feelings in them.  If you can offer good feelings in this way, they will never forget you or the feelings, and at the same time you will be assisting others to engage in building high self-esteem.

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