NLP techniques and their foundation can help you find
solutions to your problems and achieve success in your life. Do you wonder from time to time how
successful people get what they want? It
comes down to self-belief.
If you keep on doing what you’ve always done
you'll keep on getting what you always got
If you truly believe at this stage that finding solutions is not for people like you, you will be right. Why is that so? Because you have already decided that you will close your mind to the possibility of change.
It is surprising how many people take that attitude. They are experts on what they have never done or experienced? We have all participated in, or at least heard, a conversation like this: “Would you like to come to the theatre tomorrow?”
“No, I don’t think so.”
“Oh, are you doing something else?”
“No, but I wouldn’t like it.”
“Have you ever been to the theatre?”
“No, but I know I wouldn’t like it.” It is not only an illogical attitude, but frankly amazing.
I take theatre only as an example of many experiences that people won’t try.
They stay stuck in their tiny, narrow-minded worlds, will not try anything new, wonder why they are unsuccessful and before long achieve full membership of what I call the Whiners and Moaners’ Club. You will hear the complaint that the government never does anything for them and they just don’t have any luck.
A more profitable course for them would be to adopt the NLP attitude of No failure, only feedback.
So if you try something and don’t achieve what you want or do not enjoy the occasion, you have not failed but you have feedback which you can use for another occasion.
Let us say, for example, that despite your initial reservation you will go to the theatre with your friend or family member.
It may be that you go along, the performance is absolutely lousy, you are bored and, generally speaking, it is a disaster. That is the worst outcome.
You might, on the other hand, amaze yourself and have a wonderful time.
But, if you went to the theatre with an open mind, were disappointed but afterwards considered the positives instead of dwelling on the negatives, you may decide that it wasn’t actually the theatre you didn’t like but it was just a poor play or a rotten performance.
The general experience may have been a pleasant eye opener, and you may enjoy a better play on another evening.
Alternatively, it may be that you didn’t like the theatre after all, but took in drinks and dinner with your companion and the evening led to better things and climaxed differently.
Perhaps it was the beginning of a long relationship! If you hadn’t tried in the first place, there would have been no feedback and no opportunity would have presented itself.
If you are not getting the results you think you should, consider how you are communicating with others. The key here is flexibility.
If you have to teach something to a work colleague and they don’t understand you, rather than become irritated with the colleague consider that you need to be more flexible: that is to say, try different methods.
For example, try a different form of words; try explaining by the use of metaphor, try demonstrating what needs to be understood. Keep going until you succeed.
Invite the other person to question you until he is clear in his own mind that he has grasped the concept. Only then will you know that your flexibility has succeeded.
That experience is also excellent feedback for the next occasion.
Sometimes things just go wrong. What is your response to that? Do you take the outcome as feedback, analyse it and consider how you might get it right next time?
Or do you throw your toys out of the pram and take out your irritation on others?
Some people you will know try instead to cover up what went wrong or blame a colleague.
Better for you to believe that you can and will put it right. Work on the basis that for every problem there is a solution.
I remember when I was a very inexperienced lawyer that I was asked to pursue a debt against an individual who stubbornly refused to pay for work that had been undertaken on his property.
The work had been carried out perfectly adequately but he had an unjustified bee in his bonnet about a very minor matter which isn’t important for these purposes.
Ultimately it was decided that the best course would be to issue bankruptcy proceedings against the individual in the hope that he might see sense. He didn’t.
As the day approached when we were due to go into court,
I sought advice from other lawyers in the office about the proper procedure but
none had experience in this field and told me to look at the books, and I
Bankruptcy is a technical procedure. Provided that the presenting lawyer has his papers in order, the order will normally follow. But I hadn’t got them in order!
I had followed the particular book to the letter. I presented the case, and the District Judge
then asked if I had a copy of a certificate of continuing debt. I hadn’t the faintest idea what he was
He then snapped brusquely, “You are asking for a bankruptcy order, aren’t you?” I sheepishly acknowledged that I was, and he added “Then you will want an adjournment for 14 days.”
I explained what had happened to the client who was,
very fortunately, an understanding one with whom I had already forged a good
The outcome was also happy because the recalcitrant debtor by now appreciated that, but for my lack of knowledge, he had come within an ace of bankruptcy.
Shortly afterwards I received a letter from him saying that he had talked to his wife who suggested he was being unreasonable, and he paid my client’s account in full with interest and costs.
For me also there was massive feedback. In the small firm I was assisting at the
time, there was no-one who could give me guidance on bankruptcy proceedings,
and the textbook was deficient in a minor way.
In due course I went on to engage in many proceedings under bankruptcy law and, because I never forgot my first experience, my paperwork was always in order.
Remember that all you will ever need is within you. If you keep an open mind and pay attention to feedback, you will learn and grow for the rest of your life and never be short of a solution.
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