How to deal with grief. It is something we have all faced or will face at some time in the future: that terrible gnawing sensation in the pit of your stomach, that feeling of emptiness and devastation, when you can no longer see the one that you loved and continue to love so dearly.
So long as we live, they too shall live
For they are now part of us as
We remember them
Gates of Prayer
We need to grieve, but it should be for the shortest possible period.
At this stage there need be no feelings of guilt, no “if only …”; the body of the loved one may have perished but the personality, the love, the beauty and the character traits will be forever with you.
The idea of the death of the physical body is something we should all be familiar with for no-one can escape it, but with better healthcare these days and people generally living longer there is, somehow, a feeling of entitlement that we should all have a little more.
the situation a couple or three hundred years ago or even in some of the more
deprived areas on our planet.
Death was then, and is there, far more common place at an early age.
It is, sadly, like anything else. The more common place, the greater the number of times it happens, the more you get used to it, the more you learn to deal with it.
easy to preach about, for grief comes to us all in different ways, and the more
tragic the circumstances of the death of the loved one, or the younger the age,
the harder it seems to bear.
But the time to move on, honour the life of the loved one you can no longer see by living your own and looking after cherished ones who still live and may depend upon you, is sooner rather than later.
death itself may be an awful event.
Perhaps your loved one suffered a long terminal illness, maybe the death
was sudden and shocking or there was a dreadful accident of some sort.
In any of those circumstances, your memories of the event or the last days in hospital will loom large in your mind, which means that you will repeatedly make pictures in your head which are large, colourful and vivid and they, perhaps tinged with feelings of guilt and regret, will serve to entrench and enhance your feelings of loss and grief.
Another article on this website, NLP Techniques and Grief demonstrates how to drain the colour out of those images, turn them to black and white and keep pushing them off into the distance until you can no longer see them.
you try that particular exercise, bring up also some very good, happy memories
that you enjoyed with your loved one.
See them through your own eyes. Make the images colourful. Feel what you felt at the time. Double the size of the images and make them brighter still. Feel the joy you experienced.
think of one of the images that makes you feel sad. Rather than seeing the
images through your own eyes, see yourself in
the images as part of them. Drain the
colour from the picture. Make it
smaller. Push it off into the distance
until you cannot see it.
Instantly bring back a happy memory and make it big and colourful as you did before. Then bring back a sad memory and push it away in the same manner. Repeat this exercise a number of times.
imagine your timeline. Your timeline is
personal to you because each person envisages time differently.
When I think about the future I see it
extending in front of me, slightly to the right of centre disappearing off over
When I think of the past, I see it, in my mind’s eye, extending behind me as far as possible, slightly to the left of centre.
I know from discussing this with others that some people see the past to their distant left and their future to the distant right. Others have still different mental images.
doesn’t matter. All you need to know is
your own vision of the past.
have established your timeline in this way, gather all your sad or shocking
memories and mentally place them on the “past” section of your timeline as far
back as you possibly can and, as you do so, imagine them getting smaller and
smaller until you can see them no more.
Then look to the future and imagine yourself living a happy and fulfilled life, fully honouring the life of the one you loved so dearly.
At this stage I acknowledge with grateful thanks, the work of Richard Bandler, co-creator of NLP, who devised this exercise.
naturally don’t like to think of the loss of their parents, and neither do they
like to discuss it, but we should do our best to condition them for
the future and help them face reality.
If your children are old enough, particularly if they are adults, you may think it is beneficial to broach the subject in a tactful way at the right time. It is much healthier.
Death should not be taboo. Too many times we avoid it, and when we do talk about death we hear people use such phrases as “If anything happens to me …” Anything! We will cheerfully use phrases like “Kick the bucket” but avoid the word “die” at all costs.
At some time I will die. I don’t know how soon that will be or the manner of it. Whenever it is, I should like my children to get over it as soon as possible and live their lives to the full. I don’t like to think of them sitting around moping and mourning my loss.
I would prefer that they remembered the many great times we had together, recalling the parts of my life that may inspire theirs, laughing about my temper tantrums that they will no longer have to endure (and no doubt countless of my other faults).
I suggest that if we are honest with ourselves, that is the very least we would all like for our children. It is, I suspect, what your parents wanted for you. It is what we, as brothers and sisters sharing our life on Earth, should want for each other.
Gain FREE access to my self-confidence video
To gain free access to my self-confidence video enter your email address and first name in the box below. This will also keep you up-to-date with my free newsletter Inspirations.
As a bonus for subscribing you'll receive the first three chapters of my book Towards Success, where you can learn more about NLP techniques, from Anchors to Modelling, and my 50 favourite inspirational quotations.
Articles on HYPNOSIS:
Articles about THE SECRET of:
Articles about COACHING:
Articles on GENIUS and MIND POWERS:
Articles about MEMORY:
Articles about RELATIONSHIPS:
Articles on WEALTH:
Articles on WEIGHT LOSS:
Articles on SECRET and INSPIRATIONAL TEACHERS: