NLP techniques like this help you when you think to yourself “When I look into his eyes I think he is lying”.
You’ve heard that said more times than you care to remember. Not only that, you have looked into his or her eyes and you knew they were lying. How did you know?
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
Many times I have cross-examined a defendant and known her to be lying. It may be I knew that from the very words coming from her lips, but there have been other times when I have looked only into her eyes and could tell the very same thing.
Maybe she couldn’t look me directly in the eyes. Maybe she could only look down and I knew she was hiding something.
We don’t all react in precisely the same way when we are not telling the truth.
But we all have a pattern of little habits which we tend to repeat, and when you are in someone’s presence for a short while, you unconsciously pick up on those habits.
If you take the trouble to observe them closely and watch carefully, you can pick up a wealth of information.
The secret is observation and concentration, and the more you practise this the better you will get at it.
Try this experiment with a friend or family member but first of all try it on your own.
Focus for a moment on a really good decision that you have made and which you are really pleased about.
When you do so you will notice that your eyes fix upon a particular point in space ahead of you. Now, think about a bad decision you made recently.
You will find that your mind automatically takes your eyes to a different location. Do this with a friend now.
Ask her the same two questions. Give her a moment to think and watch her eyes, and you will see that they go in different directions for the two decisions.
What you can learn from this is that your eyes automatically go in different directions when you process good and bad decisions.
You may be wondering why this is important. Let us assume you sell cars. You engage a prospective buyer in conversation and ask, “Do you remember the best car you ever bought?” Watch his eyes.
And then follow up something like, “How did that compare with the worst car you’ve ever been in?” Watch his eyes.
If after that you try to sell him something and his eyes go in the direction where he processes bad decisions, it will not help your cause.
If you push it hard the wrong way, it will go against you. If it is a good choice for the customer, his eyes will speak to you and you can move more enthusiastically towards a sale.
We all have that voice of doubt inside our heads. When your voice of doubt speaks to you, your eyes focus on a particular point; they will always go to the place where that voice is. Watch out for it.
The way people move their eyes in response to questions gives clues to the sorts of pictures they are accessing in their minds or whether, in fact, they are accessing sounds or feelings.
Everyone doesn’t react in precisely the same way although generally right hand people react in one direction and left handed people in another.
Generally speaking, if a right handed person is constructing (or making up) an image, he will look up and to his right.
If he is constructing a sound, he will look immediately to his right. And if he is constructing or imagining a feeling, he will look down to his right.
If he is actually remembering an image, he will look up and to his left. If he is actually remembering a sound he will look immediately to his left, and if he is remembering internal dialogue he will look down and to his left.
Remember that when you are looking at him his right is your left and his left is your right.
The eyes of left handed people generally go in the exact opposite direction on each occasion. How do you know if someone is left handed? Be observant.
Look, for example, to see on which wrist they wear a watch or which hand they use to pick up objects.
As was pointed out earlier, not all people fall exactly into one category or the other and there are sometimes slight variations.
But if you calibrate them carefully when they are speaking and watch where their eyes go when you ask them quite neutral questions, it will give you clues as to their truthfulness on the more important questions.
You can start by asking visual questions like: What colour are your boyfriend’s eyes. What colour is the wallpaper in your home? What shape is the number on your front door? What does this building look like from the outside? These questions relate to things that have been seen before and will have to be remembered.
You could then ask about things that have not been seen and which will have to be constructed such as: How would blue and yellow striped elephant appear. How would you appear through my eyes? How would you look with a green polka dot suit?
You could then ask questions of an auditory nature: What is the sound of glass breaking? Can you hear yourself singing your favourite tune? What is the sound of a police vehicle’s siren?
By observing the responses carefully, you will be able to calibrate the other individual and compare the eye movements to more practical questions later.
Practice this with a partner and create your own questions along these lines.
People do organise themselves slightly differently on occasions but you will find that whatever they do, they will do it systematically.
If you practice these exercises, you can gain a lot of information about an individual and the way he acts in given situations.
Remember, however, that they are part of his make up and part of the overall clues he has to offer.
They do not in themselves provide you with definitive answers. Rather, they are like brush strokes which, taken with others, enable you to build a more complete picture.
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