Determining your destiny

NLP techniques

Think about determining your destiny very carefully.  Concentrate upon the meaning of those three simple words and then think about how you might do it.

It is not for someone else or for some outside force to dictate your dreams, your hopes and aspirations, or the course of your life. 


The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be

Ralph Waldo Emerson


That is a matter for you and for you alone.  You get to make the rules, you get to write the script and you get to act out your own play, so to speak.

If you learn nothing else from this website, I implore you to think carefully on those words. 

Once you truly realise that your life is your own to do with as you please, it will change your future beyond your wildest dreams.

However we got here in the first place and whatever your beliefs might be, we have free will.  

That free will gives us the right to make our own decisions about our own lives.

It is so easy to recoil from that idea, isn’t it?  Why do you think that is? 

Determining your destiny for yourself

Could it be, perhaps, that when the full realisation of those words sink in, we realise that the buck stops here? 

We can no longer point to something outside ourselves or to some external force and place the blame there for every bad thing that happens to us.

What can you do about determining your destiny?  When I ask most people what they want they say they don’t really know or they make some vague, nebulous generalisation.

Look around you when determining your destiny

So if you are unsure what is important to you, cast your eyes around.  Consider some of your friends, relations and colleagues. 

Rather than listen to what they say, look at what they do.  There is an old cliché that runs Actions speak louder than words.  

Those words are powerful.  People will not always say what they really mean but they will do what they really want to do.

Congruency in determining your destiny

In order to act out your destiny your words and actions will need to be congruent. 

If you persistently talk about some fanciful notion but act in a completely different way, the destiny you dream of will not be the one you act out. 

So you will be constantly frustrated, annoyed, miserable and unfulfilled.

Determining destiny with Severin

I have known Severin for very many years.  He has his own very small repair business but he tells everyone he is an author and that he is writing a book for children.

In truth he has never really grown up.  Although he is old enough to be a great grandfather, he still reads comic books written for children. 

Not modern day children’s comic books but those written for children of his generation many years ago.  He says that modern writers don’t know how to write.

I have seen some of his stuff.  On the plus side, he can think up a good story line although much of what is written would not be understood or appreciated by today’s children who live in a very different society. 

But his use of language is poor, he cannot spell or punctuate very well and neither can he use a computer.

On top of all that he says he can write only when the mood takes him so there is no regular pattern to his writing. 

I suggested that perhaps he might get someone to ghost-write for him, but he would have none of that. 

The result is that he writes everything out by longhand and asks others to type it up for him.  Then he loses the script.

Oftentimes customers will turn up at his workplace and ask for him only to be told that he isn’t in today because he is at home writing his book.  

Or they turn up to find the door locked with no-one in attendance.

His business is gradually going downhill because customers never know whether he will be at work or home, so some go away and never come back.

You may think he is well on his way to determining his destiny, although his intentions may be completely different.

Determining destiny and Severin’s incongruency

So what does he do with most of his time?  He loves motorbikes.  

If anyone comes into his workplace and expresses an interest in motorbikes he will keep them there talking for ages.

Even though he is 70 years of age he will take every opportunity he can to ride cross country motor bikes. 

In truth, his health does not permit him to ride very far or across rough terrain any more, but that is what he imagines himself doing. 

Only recently he bought himself two new bikes which remain, in pristine condition, in his garage.

Do you think Severin is happy?  Do you think Severin is fulfilling his destiny?  The answer to both questions is No, of course.

Severin’s mind is not focused on what he really wants to do.  

He still hasn’t thought it through properly and he acts in a completely different way from the way he speaks and truly feels.

That is why I suggested you look at those close to you.  You won’t have to look very far, I am sure, to spot similar examples with people you know.

Equally, it will be easy to pick out anyone who has determined her destiny and is faithfully on course to realise it.

Determining destiny and your own congruency

But what about you?  How are you setting about determining your own destiny?

Look around you and the way you fill your personal space.  As I write this I am looking around my own personal space – my study in this case. 

I have a dual-monitored desktop computer, shelves crammed with books of all kinds, music and evidence of a tiny grandchild’s stickers all over my desk and cupboards.

That is a good clue to start me off.  Then we consider how we spend our time.  

I am never happier than when I am coaching or mentoring others, writing or speaking (about my own topics or as a lawyer in court).

I look back over my early years and think what I did then.  I loved participating in sport – soccer, cricket, squash, golf, swimming and gym work in particular. 

I spent many hours at it and made so many friends in the process.

I know what makes me happy and fulfilled and so do you.  If your immediate reaction to that statement is “No, I don’t”, have a look around you. 

Determining your destiny and your own time and space

How do you fill your space?  Consider how you spend your time.  What do you do with your time?  

What do you do with what you consider to be your free time? 

What makes you jump out of bed in the morning without thinking twice?  

You see, when you truly love what you are doing, no-one has to get you up in the morning.

I got up early this morning to write this page and no-one had to push me out of bed to do it. 

If, on the other hand, my wife had suggested to me that perhaps I get up early because the garbage bins needed clearing out, I suspect I might still be under the bedcovers!

Determining your destiny and young people

You will see similar examples so often with children and young people who their parents and teachers sometimes describe as lazy.

Simon is 17 and loves acting.  He wanted to be an actor since he was a young boy, but his mother (who was herself a teacher) wants him to teach. 

It is said that Simon is difficult to control, will not get out of bed to go to college, is an irregular attender, will not study, cannot learn and is heading for failure in his examinations.

Some years ago I bought Simon a classic book on the art of acting.  I am told he carried it everywhere.

When you look at what else Simon does, however, it does not bear the hallmarks of laziness!  Nor of attention deficit disorder, as some have suggested!

He takes part in every amateur theatrical production he can including substantial parts in the works of William Shakespeare. 

Determining your destiny - lazy or focused?

Simon gets excellent reviews and those who watch him cannot speak too highly of his performances.

It is easy to spot that Simon is rebelling because he is being encouraged to act in a way that is not congruent with his highest values.  He is not lazy or stupid. 

Simon’s life is not running smoothly at the moment because other unenlightened people are trying to determine his destiny for him.

I am sure things will work out for him and he will ultimately determine his own destiny.  Make sure that you are determining your destiny also.



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